I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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