dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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