dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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