both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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