Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize