i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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