The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize