coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
