Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
