I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize