You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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