i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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