i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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