Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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