Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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