You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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