Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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