He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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