There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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