My friends, they love my intelligence
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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