Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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