even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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