1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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