paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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