We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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