I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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