does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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