The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize