Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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