Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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