Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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