just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize