He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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