Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
