it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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