Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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