If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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