you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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