Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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