i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize