you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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