I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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