I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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