this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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