ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize