Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize