Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize