So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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