I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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