Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's get the cat blown out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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