just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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