Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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