Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
pray to the hookup gods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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